Parent coaching with Greg Burnham, LMFT
Parent coaching for families who feel stuck.
You’re not failing. You might be working on the wrong thing. I coach parents of teens and young adults, and young adults themselves, in Boise and by video.
Too much advice. Too little traction.
Most parents I work with aren’t short on advice. Relatives tell them to hold better boundaries. Each new label comes with its own protocol. When we’re in crisis with our kids, it’s normal to get tunnel vision and keep chasing the next fix.
What parents bring me
Parents usually come to me with something specific. Their teenager refuses to go to school, or is failing and doesn’t seem to care. Their young adult is stuck at home after high school with no plan.
The specific behavior matters less than you’d think. What matters is what’s in the way, and how worn down you are after everything you’ve tried. I’ll tell you honestly on the first call whether coaching is the right next step.
Finding what’s actually in the way
As psychologist Ross Greene puts it, kids do well if they can. Parents do well if they can too. When things keep not working, there’s usually something in the way that can be worked on, and it’s often the hardest thing to see.
My part is cutting through the noise to get a clear read on what’s going on, with the kid and with the parent. What we find is usually less dramatic than people expect.
I don’t start from one fixed model. Scott Miller and Barry Duncan have spent years studying how people change, and the specific model or technique turns out to be one of the smallest parts of it.
- 1
See clearly
Look at the whole picture before anyone tries another fix.
- 2
Build a map
What to try, built for your family.
- 3
Adjust as you go
We keep checking what’s working and change what isn’t.
Your kid doesn’t have to be on board.
You have influence that doesn’t require your kid’s cooperation. That matters most when your kid refuses all help. You can still change how you are with them, and that moves things.
Built around your family
Every family’s setup is different, so we build the structure around yours, including how often we meet and who’s in the room.
Parent coaching.
For when you’re the one ready to change something, even if your kid isn’t.
Young adult coaching.
For young adults who want help but don’t need another person telling them what their life is supposed to look like.
The family operating document.
After a couple of hours of interviews, you get a written document about your family. It describes your family’s strengths and struggles. It also shows what the research says could help, with tools you can start using right away. You own it. Use it with me, or take it to anyone you work with.
If you’re considering a program
I’ve coached families through every stage of a program, from the first decision about it to the months after coming home. Plenty of families never need a program at all. Programs come with their own team. What I add is a steady, experienced person on your side who knows these programs from the inside.
Greg Burnham, LMFT
Where I come from
Early in my career, I thought you could shape a kid’s habits and patterns, and they would generally stay that way. What I’ve found is that parent influence is real, but habits built from the outside rarely last on their own. What lasts is the scaffolding a kid builds for themselves. How to help that happen is the great art. How to think about it when they’re young adults is the next great art.
Raising four kids of my own taught me that managing my own emotions was the main job. It took real effort, and it went better with supportive people around me.
Twenty-seven years as a therapist and clinical director working with teens, young adults and families, plus hundreds of parent support groups. Licensed marriage and family therapist in Idaho and Utah, working now as a coach.
Questions parents ask
Do you work with my kid, or just with us?
Either or both. Some families work with me as parents only, and some have me work with their teen or young adult as well. We decide that together on the first call, based on your goals.
What if my kid won’t take part?
That’s common, and it’s okay. A lot of what moves things can happen through you.
Should we send our teen to a program?
Sometimes that’s the right call, and I’ll tell you honestly if I think it is. Often there’s more to try at home first. If you do choose a program, I can help at every stage.
What about screens and phones?
I start by taking screens out of the villain role. Once they’re not the villain, we can look at why your kid is on them and how much they’re actually causing problems. We also look at where fear on our side has made us more rigid, or where we’ve stopped trying to have any influence. It looks different at 13 than at 23.
Is this therapy?
No. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist working as a parenting coach. Coaching doesn’t diagnose or treat mental health conditions. If your situation needs more than coaching, I’ll tell you.
Do we need to live in Idaho?
No. Coaching happens by video, so families anywhere in the US can work with me. Families in the Boise area can also meet in person, which makes sessions with the whole family easier.
What does it cost?
Coaching is private pay, which means I don’t bill insurance. It’s billed monthly, and the cost depends on your situation. I’ll talk about it openly on the free call.
Question 8
Answer 8
Start with 30 minutes.
It’s free and by video. We’ll figure out together whether I’m the right fit.